Just my thoughts, read at own risk|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Tuesday, March 30th, 2004|
|isnt life confusing?
its been ages since ive been on here, quite a lot has happened, cant even remember what i wrote last time i was on here, but never mind, ill start from a while back. Im going out with amelia atm, things are going ok, shes a nice girl and all, but not really feeling ne spark at all, which is a bad thing. Id like to keep at it and try and make it work, however, due to the growing pressure of coursework and my final A levels, im not sure that its worth spending time with a girlfriend who i dont feel that spark with, as i should be spending the time more wisely, and its not really fair on her. i know thats kinda selfish of me, but at the end of the day, if i fuck up now, it will fuck up the rest of my life. thats not to say that i dont want a girlfriend, coz i really do, i love having someone there to have a laugh with and stuff, but at this stage in proceedings it has to mean something. Coursework is going really badly too, way behind in computing so most of easter is going towards that. On a positive note, i have bought my tickets for both reading and V festivals, both of which are gonna kick ass. Not really too keen on the bands playing, but i know ill enjoy them neways, the atmosphere, if like last yr, will b amazing and every band will appear good :) got my newquay holiday cmpletely booked too, which is gonna kick ass the most, soooooo looking forward to that: sun, sand, surf (tabi) all of which are excellent. also, i have signed up to do the 3 peaks challenge in the summer, doing that the week b4 newquay. for those of u who r unfamiliar with it, i have to climb the 3 highest peaks in england, wales and scotland in 48 hrs!! thats a lot of walking in a very short period of time, coupled with shit loadsa driving! will b fun tho, big group. we have 2 drinking stops built in, so thats good. have to raise £140 in sponsorship money for wardy, but thats not too bad.
amelias and jennys party, oh baby, wot a kool nite. josh, as usual, woz fucked by 7.30, hes an idiot, but as long as hes having fun its not a problem. myself, well, i drank too much, and *cough* smoked *cough" too much too, on top of a friendly cookie. felt absolutely amazing for a long time, felt shit for about an hr, then felt amazing again :) still felt good when i woke, which is odd, probs wasnt safe to drive, but did so neways after a long wait.
looking to the future; i have easter hols, gig on friday, should b good, hopefully a few parties during easter hols too, which will b good. on the women front, if things dont pick up with amelia, then we will probs split up, as its not right to carry on really, so in that respect i guess i will have to think about possible future girlfriend, tho not too quickly. i have the prom to think about too, gotta buy my ticket b4 end of week, but first i need to decide who to go with. i have mates to go with, ie iain, ed, paul etc, but id like to go with a women, not necessarily as my girlfriend, but just as mates, as it seems proper, so im working a few angles atm. firstly, theres my long time mate alice, who is a really kool person, we get on really well and have been speaking a lot which is kool. she has recently split up with her bloke of 2 yrs, so she needs all the friends she can get, so going with her would b fun. second angle i have going is a girl in my computing class, emma, shes really kool, get on well, but dont really know her outta skool, which id like to. not sure if id like her as a future girlfriend, but id like to become better friends, and she would b kool to take to prom. i know this all sounds evil towards amelia, thinking of other women, but this is purely as a prom and future thing, so dont get me wrong ppl.
neways, think thats me done, time for a few of these test things :)
chill out and have fun :-> Current Mood: optimistic
|Thursday, March 11th, 2004|
i havent posted in ages, mainly coz ive not had nething interesting to say. last week i was pretty much ill the whole time, it sucked, so i took wednesday, thursday and friday off school which woz ok, didnt use the time very well tho, just slept, watched films and played on my computer, rather than doing the endless backlog of computing coursework that needs doing. being ill is kinda kool to start with, that feeling of total helplessness is good coz it gives u a decent excuse to do jack shit, however i have entered that piss annoying stage where all you have is a cough and a runny nose that still seems able to hold u back. however, yesterday afternoon i got sum bitchy ear infection which sucks, its the first ear infection ive had that i can remember, and its horrible. walking around is ok, its only mildly painful except when i cough, burp or hiccup, however when i went to bed last nite, oh my god did that fucking hurt like hell! kept me up all nite, and coupled with the fact i can hardly hear out of that ear now its just pissing me off. got a doctors appointment later today at 10.40 which is ok, will give me enough time to take antibiotics and still make it into skool to receive my exam results, oh joy. they should all be ok, find out how i did in my maths A level overall as i get results for my last module. bit worried, the thought that ive finished my entire A level kinda big. neways, thats enough moaning from me, only other news is finally got to speak to tabi, doesnt look like its worth going to reading uni as she doesnt know if we would be able to go out, so she didnt wanna risk me fucking up my life for her. never mind, still seeing her in summer for a week in newquay then the reading and V festivals.
cya lata Current Mood: pissed off
|Friday, February 27th, 2004|
friday has finally come, wot a fucking drag this week has been! school sucks as usual, had stupid reviews to do, wot a pointless waste of time, only one of my subjects actually bothered to take time doing it, which woz computing, and they gave me good reviews apart from a word about me missing 50% of their lessons! wot tits! cant wait to leave, only 11 more school weeks til im finished forever! hurrah! my heads been messed up a little this week, hasnt been good, way too much to think about, wot with women, money and coursework all confusing me :-S very skint atm, hence me not being out in town as i write this, only have like 50p to last me til 1st when i get £40, but i owe mum a tenner, then i'll need to buy amelia a prezzie as its her b-day on 4th, ill only have like £20 to last me an entire month. on the plus side, amelia and jenny are having a joint party at sum point, should b sweet, i couldnt make the initial date they set, but it has been moved a week back now, awesome! looking forward to that, promised chris ill make a poncho with him :> have like a crate and a half still left from my party, so at least i wont hjave to pay for beer that night! also, on 13th, my mum's fiance is moving house, and me and my bros are being paid as removal men, which will b easy money, just a lot of lifting and packing. have to drive all the way to peterboro, which sucks, but i need the xp before i make my trip all the way to newquay in the summer! looking forward to that too, a whole week of booze, surf (and tabi) altho i havent heard from tabi since i met her in reading, which really sucks, sent her emails and txts but no reply, could b a bad sign, but im hoping not.
neways, cya Current Mood: rejected
|Saturday, February 21st, 2004|
|slightly hungover and bored
as you know, it woz my party on thursday (2 days ago) and it rocked, just about everyone turned up, every1 had loadsa fun, or appeared to, which woz really good. people brought copious amounts of beer, and altho we all drank shit loads (6 full bin bags of empties) i still had loadsa spare booze, which rocks for me!! 3 puking events, and only one was alcohol imduced. first one to fall was izzy, during a "how many tea bags can u fit in ur mouth" competition she lost it and puked up in loo, no mess so all was ok. then will clark, as he was taking his *26* tea bags out, puked too. little mess, but much amusement. then later on in the evening, will passed out on the loo, for some unknown reason he woz butt naked too!!! why!??! much amusement tho, got 3 pics of him, poor quality but much fun, he wont live this one down!! this woz the first party ive had when ive managed to sleep in my own bed too! every single party ive ever had some1 has passed out on my bed and spent the nite there, this time, i was lucky, i kept it safe from drunkards and consequently got a few good hrs sleep! yay. the morning after the house woz cleaned by myself and my mates, thanks to every1 who helped out, much appreciated :-) the morning woz almost as much fun as the party itself, about 7 people stayed round til about 1pm, all with a common hangover, just chatting, joking around, watching funny tv, woz kool. i love those relaxed atmospheres.
last night, still after having no sleep from party nite b4, decided to go out neways. had some cans of stella at mine, then went into town to meet alex, izzy, jenny and amelia. went to pub :-) but then those guys didnt get into riot due to being underage and without fake id. so, the women decided to go home to amelias and sleep, which sucked. they should have all come back to mine, as alex did. we were up til about 3 drinking leftover beers, arguing pointless stuff. if they had come back, izzy etc would have gotten at least an hour and a half drinkign time, and they could have stayed over as i could have set up spare beds for them. never mind, thats life i guess. now, im just sat at home doing not much, dont wanna drink, im home alone, wanted to see amelia but shes busy, tabis online but not talking, so just chatting to jenny and chris. think i may watch a dvd or summit, thinking bout pirates of the carribean, and yes, i have seen it many times before but its easy to watch and it rocks! not much else happening, doing nothing tomoz, mum gets home from spain at midnight tomoz so free til then, hoping to see amelia at sum point but depends on how her homework goes. i should have spend the hols doing computing work, but havent done a single bit, fuck it, can do it later!! lol
neways, take care peeps Current Mood: friendly
|Sunday, February 15th, 2004|
|weekend of lurve
not really a weekend of lurve, but nice title neways?!! went out friday nite, didnt get particually drunk but got nicely munted in the park with some kool people, woz fun. went to indy night, didnt get in (one in one out system, didnt wanna wait) so we all went to church of noise next door, over 18s, so much better music and wider selection of alcohols. hardly ne1 woz there when we arrived, which woz amusing, so we were like the only people on the dance floor, just scanking about and having a laugh, making fools of ourselves. soon other people joined in, which woz good. now have sore neck tho, and sore throat, got rather carried away during some of the songs, screamed my heart out, jumped around too much, now paying price. twoz worth it tho. yesterday, i slept til about 2pm which woz good, then about 4.30ish went round amelias which woz nice. watched little nicky round hers and then just chilled to sum music, heard the whole of a cooper temple clause album, werent too bad. told her about tabi, she seemed a little disappointed but not for too long. met her rents too, they seem like nice people, not like the rents from hell that belonged to my last gf, the dad of whom threatened to cut off my bollocks, both rents hating me the whole time!!! havent yet met amelias brother chris, tho he woz there the whole time i was, he just played on his comp the whole time. amelia and i are like proper going out now i think, which is kool.means she has to meet my family at sum point, which i aint looking forward too. mum should b alrite, ben will just sulk and hide away in his room, but tom woz really evil to my last gf, and isnt usually afraid to voice his opinion, so he may have to b beaten if things go badly. never mind.
neways, take care every1 Current Mood: okay
|Thursday, February 12th, 2004|
went to reading yesterday, had a uni interview for a computing with cybernetics course, uni looked alrite but the course woz a bit shit, not challenging at all. after the uni stuff, i met up with tabi, the girl i met at V festival last year. we met at about 3.30 and departed at about 8.30, so we had a good time, saw the sights of reading and went to a few bars. as u may have read before, tabi is the girl of my dreams, and has frequented my dreams a lot too! she is perfect, in every way shape and form, possibly not to other people, but to me she is everything i could ever want all in one girl, so it sucks she lives 200 miles away in reading :-( still, it was awesome to see her again, chatting with her was really easy, and she had a cute smile on her face the whole day, which is all i asked for. sadly, i had made a promise to not kiss tabi, or try anything at all, and as much as it killed me to do so i kept that promise, as if u break promises, then ur word means nothing to anyone. hopefully keeping that promise will turn out for the better in the future, but who knows? when i got home i was really depressed, didnt get in til 11.30 so woz really really tired, still a little alcohol in the blood but not much, and it suddenly hit me that i might not see tabi again until the summer holidays, and that really upset me, and as much as it pains me to say so, i cried myself to sleep last nite listening to a track by incubus called "here in my room" its such a great song, i really connect with it, so that plus thoughts of tabi just flooded out, been many years since ive cried so it kinda felt good. (people who r reading this, do not take advantage of the trust i am placing with u in letting u read my feelings) neways, im hoping that i might b able to see her again during half term, travel up for a party or a night out, stay over and stuff, have a proper good time without having to worry about travelling 3 hrs home. she also said that she might b able to make it down to ipswich for a day or two, which would b really sweet. i said id take her out into town, show her the limited stuff there is to do in this poxy town, but probs visit cricketers and a few other "old man" pubs, nothing as cultured as the pubs/bars she took me too, but more friendly. said we might go to a club type thing called furry, which is supposed to b like an over 18s indy night type thing, but ive never been plus some friends from skool will b there. usually that wouldnt b a problem, but one of them is amelia, who u all have read about b4, and shes really kool and a great person to b around, i love spending time with her and things between us are really good rite now, but i dont wanna meet up with her if i have tabi attached to my arm, coz whether or not we were up to nething, which we probs wouldnt, it would look bad and would cause more harm than good. i will get round to telling amelia about tabi, because its not really fair to get into a relationship with amelia (if thats the way things r going, hopefully they r :->) if she doesnt realise the way i feel for tabi. my feelings for tabi are stronger than any ive had for anyone, ever. i felt stronger for tabi in the few hours we spent together at V than i ever did for my ex gf kat, who i went out with for 18 months!! most of my friends who know of tabi say im in love with tabi, and they're probably rite, which is crazy, but i would do nething to be with her, hence my application to reading university, so that i could b with her for at least a year, if not longer. thats how much she means to me, i would b willing to give up my excellent place at soton for her, possibly damaging my future, but for me its worth it. call me an idiot controlled by hormones, but if thats the label im given, so be it. its not often u meet someone who can say they have thought about one person constantly every day for 6 months after just a short encounter!! but i have, and im probably a sad man. neways, i think ive been rambling for long enough, i have written everything down, and i feel better for it. please do not abuse my vulnerability/stupidity by using wotever i have written against me, or with others.
neways, take care every1, dont get into these stupid situations like the one im in
"I hate writing shit, it is so stupid
What's my problem today?
Maybe I'm depressed,
Maybe I'm helpless to what comes out my head" koRn - ass itch Current Mood: aggressive
|Monday, February 9th, 2004|
I am Jetpac Man.
I love the outdoors; the sense of freedom, of adventure. I love the sensation of free-fall, and would parachute and bungee jump on a moment's notice. I know where I want to be, and I strive to get there, making great effort to collect what I need. I let nothing stand in my way. What Video Game Character Are You?
yay, these were fun , every1 should do these, it allows one to take a good look inside oneself, and discover things u wouldnt normally have thought about urself, for example, one of these asks "wot would u drop off a 66 story building?" very hard choice between shakespere and a small child, but shakespere has ruined many hours of my life, where as small children havent, yet, so shakespere died!!! yay
I am a Party Hat.
I'm a popular sort of person, well-liked and very sociable. I'm always at the height of fashion, either because I set it or because I follow it. What Sort of Hat Are You?
What Poetry Form Are You?
I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.
I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.
I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.
I taste like Peanut Butter.
I am one of the most blendable flavours; I go with sweet, I go with sour, I go with bland, I go with anything. I am practical and good company, but have something of a tendency to hang around when I'm not wanted, unaware that my presence is not welcome. What Flavour Are You?
(i hate peanut butter btw, it sucks)
more to come..... Current Mood: relaxed
|boredom is a common subject on here
have u guys noticed that boredom is a really common subject title on LJ?? guess its just coz life can often b boring, mainly coz humans in general have lost the ability to create their own fun when alone, and also coz people just arent very patient these days. just a simple observation, im probably wrong. all would b sorted if public transport woz ne good, then friends who live too far apart could easily meet up netime ne place with little hassle. damn the government!!!
talking of government and politics, lots of people seem to b talking about who to vote for, seeing as a lot of my friends are now 18. the general thought seems to b liberal democrats, mainly coz they havent had a chance to fuck up yet, but hey. personally, they are all crap, no1 stands out, no1 has ne radical ideas to change society for the better, so none of them deserve my vote. i think one solution mayb to vote for the BNP, i know they are racist etc etc, but they would solve a lot of our problems in the short term, as they have the balls to make changes. then, after a short 4yr running, kick them out so they cant change the country too radically, making us all racist. then, for the grand finale, replace the BNP with the legalise cannabis party in 4 yrs time so that ne1 who woz corrupted by the BNP during their power can just mellow out and realise their mistake. thus, problem solved :)
of course, i dont really know much about politics at all, so my views are quite irrelevant, plus all the cleveer people in the world go into better jobs than political jobs, leaving a bunch of morons to run the country.
onto more current topics, skool woz ok today, had first free, so slept, 2 lessons of maths which seemed to go quite well, then i decided to bunk computing as its the biggest waste of my time ever, wish i could drop it but sadly i cant, as i need it for uni :-(
yesterday woz a most productive day all round:- washed my car (very dirty after 6 months of not being cleaned) fixed the shed roof (it started snowing half way through!!) built my mum a new comp and made it work, actually did my homework and downloaded 2 new albums: incubus - a crow left to the murder and lostprophets - start something, both of which are good albums, recommend u all get them! also, after taking amelia to cinema on sat, woz left with good feeling all sunday, so made the day much better :)
still planning my party, seems to b going well. should b happening on 19th feb, thats the thursday of half term. seem to have about 30 ppl invited rite now, all nice people, a few i dont really want there but the party is kinda in aid of 2 of my friends 18ths, and they wanted them there, so i said yes. i still feel like i should have a few more women there, ppl that i have forgotten to invite, so ne suggestions on who else to invite would b good.
neways, going to the gym lata, work off lots of calories and lift some weights, is all good :-) just gotta pass the time til then, could get boring.
take care xxx Current Mood: mellow
|Sunday, February 8th, 2004|
went and say big fish tonite with amelia, all went well. quite a good film really, didnt have a particually good story line, would have been better if it started with the son, then just the whole film a staight through story, then the end as it woz, but hey, i enjoyed all the weird and freaky characters, all good.
things with amelia seemed to go well, had a laugh, and she woznt scared of my driving either which woz good. had to pick up amelia and drop her home as her rents couldnt give her lifts, did the whole gentlemanly thing and payed for ticket too, even tho im flat broke. never mind, it woz worth it. driving home woz a bit scary tho, as i woz reversing outta the drive there was a big flash of lightening, i thought id hit the wall or summit! thank god i hadnt!! lots of hail, in an instant the road was covered in ice balls, resulting in lots of sketchy wheelspins :-S
neways, apart from that weekend has been a little slow, slept most of today, will sleep most of tomoz too i expect, tho tomoz i need to finish building my mums comp and i also need to repair the shed roof, lucky me!! :-(
neways, take care
|Thursday, February 5th, 2004|
|summer hols booked
finally booked me summer hols today, me and five mates are travelling down to newquay during the summer to have ourselves a time, going from 10th to the 17th july, just after exams, should b well sweet
already know a few ppl that will b there that week, so if u guys know ne1 who is also going let me know, more people is better :-) ill try me luck at surfing, done it a few times before, seemed ok at it, the feeling u get when catching a wave is awesome tho, its so so so much fun, every1 should do it!!!
neways, booked a private dorm at newquay international backpackers, rite near fristral beach so its good, only £106 for 7 nites stay, which is good, altho deposit is 50% which is bad :(
skool woz pretty crap today as usual, both maths lessons sucked, altho i did well in both. computing with mr tidy, the most boring man on this earth whos computing knowledge is 15 yrs outdated, christ if it werent for me discman id kill myself!! arggh, wot a knob!! then psych last, sucks coz we r doing research methods and some statistics, which is really easy for me.
tried to find amelia again at lunch, tho to no avail, again! man, my luck is so crap, or im just not observant? who knows!!??
neways, take care people
|Wednesday, February 4th, 2004|
have the afternoon free, computing cancelled, hurrah, but jack shit to do, no where to go and no1 to see, computer games have lost interest and ive been to the gym the past 2 nites running, so shouldnt really go there either. fuck!! ne suggestions on wot to do with my spare time?? PS i am broke, so need cheap solutions :-S
tried looking for amelia today at break and lunch, but to no availe, bugger!! got money off jeff today tho, so will b booking me summer hols tonite, going to newquay for a week from 10th - 17th july, gonna b sweet, found out that tabi + 30 of her friends are gonna b there during that time, and me mate crabtree and some of his mates are likely to b there too, gonna b awesome. every1 should go!!!
neways, even this is getting boring now!! probs do some weights, mayb venture in to town, altho with no money its not as interesting :-(
dont really knwo wot to write, and i could end up hurting a lot of people, or just sounding boring, so if u read this, please try not to b offended by anything said, as u r priveledged to b reading this, lol!!
current situation in life: one more term of skool then finished forever!! Things seem to b going ok atm, feeling pretty happy with myself. went to an awesome party on friday night, hosted by faery_jen woz very kool, didnt know many ppl to start with but every1 was really friendly, met a kool girl called amelia, she seems really nice, slightly strange dress sense, but its all good.
found out earlier tonite that faery_jen fancied me at one point too, back after a freshers distinction thing in october. sadly, being the fool that i am, i lacked the confidence to talk to her much at skool, and took rejection badly, now she is with a guy called marc. insecurities suck!!
neways, aside from that, amelia is occupying quite a lot of my thoughts rite now, would like to get to know her better. however, next wednesday im off to reading for a uni interview, and a girl i met in the summer, called tabi, will b meeting up with me, and she is like the girl of my dreams, so im kinda torn atm as i dont really know wot to do!!! help ne1??!! (lol, and u thought men didnt have emotions!!)
also, having party soon too!! yay, will b the thursday nite of half term for all of u who know me enough to turn up, as me mother is leaving the country for a few days!! hurrah, will b sweet, lots of booze a friends, the perfect evening, but will it b topped off by the company of a gorgeous woman?? who knows, dreams can come true!!!
i think thats enough for the first entry, others will b less i guess, as i will have less to say,
alex xxx Current Mood: pleased